Right Now

Right now, I am overwhelmed (and that's okay). I'm doing really, really well in some areas and I'm barely keeping from failing in others (and that's okay). I'm making my best effort at staying away from gluten and grains and sometimes I've forgotten and eaten something without thinking and that's okay (and this actually seems to be enough to still have an impact. Even MB noticed how much better I seemed).

I'm giving myself permission to cry because, again, overwhelmed, and also permission to self - talk like an insane person, even if that means repeating "It's going to be fine. Just keep going" out loud a hundred times (and that's okay). But also, permission to notice how the ripples in the pool are so beautiful they hurt, or how my heart skips a beat in terror and gratefulness the first time a child calls me "coach". Even though it probably means I'm a nut for even noticing (it's okay). I'm giving myself permission to totally freak out because there is so much to do, and there are just moments where I think of more things I didn't realize until now also have to get done (and that's okay). And after I freak out I pull it together and I get it done, because.

And I just keep reminding myself that it's okay - that this is just a season - that someday I'm going to realize I've got this and it's not so crazy anymore - and all I have to do in the meantime is to keep going.

Minimalising

This has been the summer of minimalising. I don't know what shifted in my psyche or changed in the universe, but I've been spectacularly successful at decluttering,  letting go of belongings, paring down. It feels right.

The "couch of shame" is gone, save for one small laundry basket that I use to corral items that are in transit to new homes (friends, thrift store, donation center). I've gone through literally every square inch of my trailer and purged through everything. I have a better idea of what is important and what is not, what makes me happy and what doesn't.  And I've gotten into the habit of taking a few minutes to evaluate areas as I use them. Skimming through a box if DVDS when I watch a movie to see if there are any I no longer want. Or mentally evaluating my wardrobe as I do laundry, to see if there's anything not worth putting back.

And here's a funny thing I've realized - decluttering AFTER the big purge is actually easier.  This makes sense, if you think about it - during the big purge you're trying to make decisions about 20 DVDs all at once. Afterwards, you're only making decisions about 1 or 2 at a time. Discarding half of your wardrobe is scary - what will you wear?! - but realizing that you no longer need this particular shirt is easy.

This is important. Why didn't I realize this before?