Sunday, December 20, 2015

Deflated Cheer


(Where do I even begin?)

I knew last week was going to be busy and I was braced for it. I did a good job of keeping a half step ahead of everything by never stopping to think - just go! do! accomplish!  - and I kept my eye firmly fixed on what, in my mind,  was the magical turnover point: Saturday. On Friday night, when I got off work, I would officially be down to one job only for the next two weeks, I had tickets to go see A Christmas Carol with family and friends on Saturday, and I relished the thought of a slower, restful, soul - reviving pace for the holiday. Hot tea. Sitting by the lighted tree. Luxurious afternoon naps followed by late nights wrapping presents. Playing card games with my family. Watching holiday movies with Maggie or my dad. Time to reflect and make plans and anticipate the coming year.

It's kind of symbolically appropriate, then, that we left the theater in the intermission of "A Christmas Carol" to rush to the hospital where Liz was transferred to the ICU.

In the end, it could be much worse.  A life - changing diagnosis, yes, but one that will be manageable once she's stablized. Still, the stress levels around here are running high, and my Christmas spirit is a bit deflated. I'm tired. :( Not feeling the happy, not feeling the cheer, but I am feeling grateful, and I'm hoping that will be (as it so often is) a back door into joy.

In rhe meantime, things I'm resting on:

- MB and I were working in the kitchen last week, chatting while the kids napped, and I made an offhand comment about the year before I came to work for them being a long, and often hard, one. She then told me, "We definitely needed you in our lives. I like to think you needed us, too." I probably did not respond to this as well as I should have because I was so touched, but it's a moment I've held close ever since. I totally needed them, no doubt about it. I am incredibly honored that they need me, too.

- Swim boss sent me a video of his daughter eating macaroons I sent home with him for Christmas,  she is just about the most adorable tot ever, and pretty much every time I've felt defeated since then I've pulled it up to rewatch. And it always makes me laugh. :) I have awesome bosses.

- Cris, who was with me in the theater when we got the news and who is always my "got your back, show up when the going gets rough" person in a crisis, sent Maggie and me a video this morning of baby bunnies in cups. Seriously. It's the most ridiculous thing (I was initially puzzled - kept asking Maggie, "Why are there baby bunnies in cups? !") but also so cute and slightly hysterical (especially if you were up late at the hospital and are running low on sleep and high on stress). See?

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