Right Now

Right now, I am overwhelmed (and that's okay). I'm doing really, really well in some areas and I'm barely keeping from failing in others (and that's okay). I'm making my best effort at staying away from gluten and grains and sometimes I've forgotten and eaten something without thinking and that's okay (and this actually seems to be enough to still have an impact. Even MB noticed how much better I seemed).

I'm giving myself permission to cry because, again, overwhelmed, and also permission to self - talk like an insane person, even if that means repeating "It's going to be fine. Just keep going" out loud a hundred times (and that's okay). But also, permission to notice how the ripples in the pool are so beautiful they hurt, or how my heart skips a beat in terror and gratefulness the first time a child calls me "coach". Even though it probably means I'm a nut for even noticing (it's okay). I'm giving myself permission to totally freak out because there is so much to do, and there are just moments where I think of more things I didn't realize until now also have to get done (and that's okay). And after I freak out I pull it together and I get it done, because.

And I just keep reminding myself that it's okay - that this is just a season - that someday I'm going to realize I've got this and it's not so crazy anymore - and all I have to do in the meantime is to keep going.