Accepting The Facts

Everyone has read "that" blog - the one where the blogger goes on a long rant about some real or perceived character flaw or facet, on and on andonandon... and then ends the post one of two ways: they either 1) declare "That's just the way I am!" and thus stubbornly refuses to initiate any sort of change, or 2) renews her determination to change at whatever cost neccessary, including her marriage (if married), her children (if she has any), or her sanity.

I think both approaches are wrong. I think that if you see a flaw in yourself, and make no move towards fixing it or improving it, you're cheating yourself out of becoming a person you'll like better, and that marvelous experience of growth. Growth is sometimes painful, sometimes uncomfortable, but the end result is always worth it. Conversely, I think that if you spend your life wrapped up in your perceived flaws, you're cheating yourself out of seeing yourself as God sees you - as His creation. Flawed? Yes! Precious? Priceless? Being made Perfect in Him? Yes Yes YES!

I've realized lately that part of the learning you get when you grow up is learning what to accept and what to leave. What matters and what doesn't. What you CAN change - and should - and what you can't, and will only break yourself against in the trying.

It's all in the little things...

Summer is on its way - all the signs are here:

• Most nights now, a cool shower, rather than a hot-as-you-can-get-it bath, feels like the perfect prelude to bedtime.


• Come Saturday morning, I can't wait to get out to the farmer's market to see what produce looks good. And for the rest of the week, I'm dog-earing issues of Rachel Ray Every Day in search of incredible ways to cook said produce.


• Speaking of which - I have figured out how to eat pasta well, finally. In my "old life" pasta was something you gorged on, and even after doing WW for months, if I wanted pasta, I saved up all my weeklies and blew them on a dish of pasta on my night out. Or pulled out a Lean Cusine meal (which are good, in their own right, but... not real food. Not really). So, tonight I made one carefully measured portion of pasta, and loaded it with veggies to make it go further - zucchini, squash, asparagus (oh, asparagus, I think it may be my fav veggie of all time) - added no-added-sugar tomato sauce, and a sprinkle of fat free mozzarella. And it was incredible.


• I have tasted watermelon for the first time this year. Not great watermelon, mind you, as it's really truly too early for good melon, but watermelon nonetheless.


• Maggie and I were in the truck together today and for some reason we started talking about fruit, and the thought popped into my head and out through my lips that "fruit tastes like sunshine." Which, now that I've said it out loud, it does, in my opinion. Maggie looked at me funny for a second, thought about it, shrugged, and said, "Yeah." We then launched into a deep discussion about which fruit tastes most like sunshine. My money is either on a really ripe, beautiful, unblemished peach, and her pick was a lemon. Which I have to admit I don't get AT ALL, but to each their own.


• Inspired by the fact that I apparently had no warm-weather shirts, I pulled down all my clothing bins and brought out all my summer clothes. I've worn a tank top already (granted, it was under a springish cardigan, but still lol).


• While I was sorting clothes I pulled every piece of clothing that I owned out and tried it on. And I'm amazed and humbled in a grateful sort of way that everything I own fits in one of three categories: Fits, Fits for now (start looking for a replacement because in another 5 pounds, you're outta luck), and Too Big. There's no more "too tight, but I could layer something over it to hide it" clothes, no more "Maybe someday I'll be able to wear that again" clothes. It's all either Now or Then. And when I was done I sat between the two piles and thought about putting the Then pile back into rubbermaid bins just in case, and instead I shoved it all into trash bags and took it to the thrift store. Because keeping it because I liked the style, even if it no longer fit, is only taking up space, and there will be cuter clothes (much cuter clothes!) to buy in smaller sizes. Because keeping it because I'm afraid I'll fail means that part of me still hold on to failure as a viable option.


• My windowsill is lined with pots of flowers, herbs, and veggie plants, all thriving and growing and reaching for the sky. This is a small miracle. Two years ago I wanted desperately to learn to grow plants, and I couldn't keep any plant alive longer than two weeks. Two years later, more of my seedlings thrive than die. Granted, learning to grow plants is of no moral consequence whatsoever. But there were a bunch of "seeds" planted in my life around the same time that my plants were committing suicide all around me, and whenever I see my windowsill of plants, it reminds me that more is growing than just plants.

A Page From My Journal

This morning I stopped in at Starbucks to quench my insatiable craving for a caramel macchiato (iced and skinny of coursE :)), and sitting by himself at a table - no Kindle, no newspaper, no journal or computer in sight - was an unmistakeably Italian gentleman, who could have passed as Andrea Bocelli's thinner brother. His brown hair was longish and brushed around his ears, and he had a full, thick, but neatly trimmed beard covering his face. He looked completely content just sitting quietly with himself, thinking.

I have long loved Bocelli, and I'm a soft touch for beards, so I was watching him out of the corner of my eye as I got in line in front of a young mom and her daughter, who was just about Abigail's age. The little girl wanted a carton of chocolate milk, but was too shy to come near me to get one. I smiled at her and moved aside, she smiled back and came forward bashfully, retrieved her milk, and retreated to her mommy's side.

I was still smiling when I turned around, and he caught my eye - he was smiling, too, glancing from me to the little girl, then back again to me. He dropped his gaze to the floor and continued to wait patiently in line, and a moment later he smiled again - a different smile - and I followed his gaze and realized he was looking at my shoes - my "power shoes" - the ones that have random ladies stopping me on the street asking where I bought my shoes, and are they comfortable (they are).

These shoes apparently are fascinating to guys - most of my guy friends have commented on them, everything from "Wow, those are some shoes!" to "How do you walk in them?" Several weeks ago, a guyfriend came up to me and said "I saw YOUR SHOES in a music video!!!" :)

I placed my order and followed the curve of the counter around to the wall, where I could watch the back of the Italian's head while awaiting my drink. His hair - which had probably been washed that morning - had dried in alternating stiff and fluffy patches. I wondered if he had added a styling product halfheartedly - it would account for the patches - but I had to admit that unless a stranger were surreptitiously stalking him, as I was, no one was likely to notice. Besides that, his hair added an easygoing vibe to his appearance - suave enough to make an effort at styling his hair, but manly enough not to devote any real time to it, especially on a morning when his main activity was sitting in a coffeehouse, thinking.

In a perfect world, we might have struck up a conversation - he might have commented on those shoes, or notice my vintage owl pendant (another piece guaranteed to get me stopped on the street for fashion inquiries). I might have had the time to linger over my macchiato, and might have snagged the table next to him. Any man who can spend a morning lost in his own thoughts is worth knowing, in my experience.

But the world isn't perfect, so a moment later when the barista called my drink, I claimed it with a smile, walking towards the door in my powerful shoes, and slipped out into the beautiful, imperfect world.

Ways to spend a Sunday afternoon

1. Working on the computer - right now I'm getting ready to get the VBS skits up and rolling.

2) Journaling/writing - did you know that April is National Poetry Month?

3) Sleeping - this is always a pretty popular choice around here, lol. Someone is always sleeping on Sunday afternoons (in fact, most of the time it's ME!). What is it that's so luxurious about an afternoon nap?

4) Reading - this is probably the next most popular choice; lots of Bible studying goes on around here, plus there's plenty of fiction and non-fiction to be read.

5) Watching old Westerns - not sure what this is, possibly The Virginian?

6) Taking a jog on the newly-fixed treadmill - no picture, probably not something you wanted to see me do anyway. :) Dad fixed the treadmill this weekend, and I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed it (when it was fixed, lol). I took my first jog in MONTHS today, and I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was - even though I haven't been doing any running at all, I've been faithful to my yoga, and I can definitely feel the change in my legs. Nice!

I love Sunday afternoons - getting geared up for the new week, doing little non-arduous chores (like cleaning out my little fridge and making up a grocery list for this week), and resting, physically and mentally.

I hope your weekend has been restful and beautiful. I've been blessed, and I look forward to seeing those blessings continue!

And Here's A Post...

I did a little bit of online shopping this weekend (which ended up being super productive, by the way): I indulged and picked up a small army of jewelery from Forever 21's $1.50 sale. A few pieces were for me, but I also picked up a bunch as gifts. I love Forever 21's jewelery. I think you could walk up to their jewelery racks, close your eyes, put out your hands, and whatever you touch, I'd like. They have just that kind of style. :) I also picked up two things off of Amazon - a step aerobics workout video to use with the new workout step mom found me at the thrift store for $8, and a book that I remember reading as a child. I got this book from the library, read it, loved it, returned it, and forgot the name. For years I have yearned to read it again, but I couldn't remember the name. Well, on Sunday I suddenly remembered the name AND was near a computer! AND someone was selling a copy for a cent! I'm so excited. Can't wait to read it. And just in case you were curious about it - it's The Twinkie Squad, by Norman Korman. :) I had to duck into my fav clothing store this week to start the hunt for new skirts, as these last couple of pounds I've lost have killed at least one of my skirts, and possibly more (I haven't worn them recently, so I don't know yet). I am so sad - the length of a skirt I can adjust, I can bring in the sides to make them less full, gather my tops to make them smaller, but the waist of a good skirt is something I just can't seem to figure out how to alter. Time to go pull out my belt again and see if I can make them last at least a few more pounds. In the meantime, I did buy one really nice long skirt that will take the place of the skirt I lost. Speaking of clothes - they had their spring stuff out and I almost went nuts (I didn't, but it was sooo hard...). Beautiful ruffly tanks, cute cotton skirts, little shrug sweaters, and sandals, sandals, sandals - espadrilles, cute flats, heels to die for. I'm so psyched. Bring on spring! I was listening to the radio yesterday (to Tony Evans, I believe? Not positive) and he said something that caught my attention. I'm sure I'm misquoting, but basically he said something along the lines of "If you're not living by God's rules, you're cutting yourself off from the fullness of blessings that God wants to give you." I was instantly convicted. I can think, right off the top of my head, of several areas that I'm not honoring God in. I've been aware of them for awhile, but I've been kind of thinking, "Someday/soon I'll deal with that... just not now..." And I can also think of several things I want/desire, that I've taken steps to achieve or attain, and they're just not happening in my life. I've become kind of frustrated, thinking and asking "If God can make it happen for that person, why not me?" and I really think that this might be the answer. While our behavior and actions don't affect God's love for us, He is our heavenly parent, and just like all parents, he withholds certain things when we are not in step with His will. I have decided to lay aside some time this weekend in prayer, and to really look at these areas and what I need to do to make them right with Him. The encouraging thing to me is that I already feel blessed by God in so many ways, that I often feel just wordless to express my thanks. I can't wait to see how many more blessings God has in store for me along this journey. I hope you're experiencing the fullness of God's blessings for yourself! :)

Postponed

Just a quick note to say that today's scheduled tutorial will be posted later this week. I have a great project planned - but I started it too late, and it ended up needing an extra coat of paint, which needed extra time to dry (this is why I hate paint, lol!). See you then!

Back On Track

I was feeling a bit off-track last week; not sure what was going on, but in all fairness to myself, there was a lot going on - I had a busy week without a lot of downtime, and part of the busyness was the wedding of one of my close guy friends. I've grown up with this guy and his family as my "brothers" and God has used them all to model biblical manhood in my life, since - living with four sisters and a brother who didn't arrive until second-t0-last - male models were lacking somewhat in my life. :) I have been so blessed and humbled in the last few years to watch him start a beautiful relationship and prepare for marriage, and Saturday was the big day. Talk about emotional! I cried and cried. :) He and his fiancee actually asked me to sing during the ceremony, which was such a compliment, and I held it all together until I sat down after singing. Then seeing his beautiful bride and the love that was so apparent in their eyes for each other, plus their vows - which they wrote themselves and that touched on every aspect of their future marriage, from child-rearing to their roles as man and wife - oh, the floodgates opened. They were happy tears. :) I pretty much came home and crashed for the rest of the day.

For those of you who have been - ahem, concerned - (and by concerned, I mean they assume I gave up on it) at the lack of Weight Watchers content on my blog lately... don't be. It's true, I "broke" with the program for a little while because I was dealing with other issues and just felt like I couldn't handle it all at once, but - and apparently this is a big but - I didn't regain an ounce of the lost weight and started back up again a while ago. :)

I think part of the reason I got so stressed and felt like I couldn't handle it all was because I never did get a good grip on the new program, PointsPlus. Which, I'm gonna go ahead and say right up front: do NOT like it as much as the old program. I have been slow in publicly saying this because I felt like until I could use the program successfully - and by successfully I mean being able to stick to it and lose weight while on it - I didn't have the right to bash it.

Well, it's been awhile now doing both successfully, and I still don't like the old program. There are definitely parts I like - I love that fruit is point free, and I love that you get the "encouragement" to eat high-protein foods, which I naturally gravitate towards - but the parts that I hate - the fact that it's nearly impossible to guesstimate in a pinch, the, ahem, "strong discouragement" over carbs (ANY carbs, white, wheat, whole grain, etc) - far outweigh the parts I love. However, learn it I did and stick to it I am. There is a LOT of fruit getting eaten in my life right now, lol, mostly to make room for carbs, which have been severely limited. Tonight's post-yoga-workout dinner, for instance, was reduced-fat PB & sugar-free J on whole wheat bread, with a big glass of nonfat milk. :)

Speaking of yoga - UGH! Spring break (read: two weeks with no practice)+first session back (and a challenging one to boot)=NOT GOOD. :) I was struggling all over the place today, but I laughed at myself and kept going, and I definitely feel good now, several hours later. My "yoga high" in on. :)

had some time today while Abby was in school, so I ducked in to Ross to check out their latest shipment. You know how sometimes you go shopping and absolutely nothing you try on looks good, fits right, etc? Well, the flip also sometimes occurs (albeit much more rarely): sometimes you have days where you lug a ton of clothes into the dressing room and EVERYTHING FITS! and looks great! Is this a real phenomenon or is it just purely a state of mind? I have no idea...

Anyway, I refrained from buying every piece of clothing that fit - believe me, I wanted to! - but I did score a Michael Kors top for $14.99. It doesn't really get any better than this.

I also found these two leather-bound journals - what writer doesn't love a new journal?! The crisp pages, the straight lines waiting to be filled up... and these two are particularly beautiful (and $6 a piece!)

You know how once in awhile when you've been out in the elements, and your lips get chapped, and you take some lip balm and smooth it over them, and it soothes your lips? Well... I have this theory that everybody has some form of "soul balm" and for me it's words by C.S. Lewis. Lately I've been enjoying this collection of essays by him and let me tell you - soul balm. I can't even count how many times I have burst out laughing, or suddenly teared up reading something that completely touched me. Love it. I can't wait to get to heaven and meet him. :)

Since I was in the mood for "lighter" reading material, I picked up the latest copy of ReadyMade mag... I lovelovelove this magazine, and it's impossible to describe. It has a little bit of everything - crafts, architecture, DIY, travel, cooking... Life, I guess. One of these days I'm going to get my own subscription.

Of course, I got home to discover my issue of Ladies Home Journal had finally arrived - and who was their covergirl this month but Mariska Hargitay, my new hero?!?

I get so pumped up by women like her. :) For those of you who don't know, Mariska plays the female lead of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, a detective who investigates (mainly) sexual assault, rape, etc. However, Mariska has also founded her own organization, Joyful Heart, to help survivors of sexual violence. The article was terrific and really inspiring. Go, girl! :)

Well, the sun seems to have rolled back behind the clouds for now and I needed a pick-me-up, so I gave myself a DIY pedicure and chose a cheerful color. Two, actually - a fun lavender and a clear glitter. :)

I hope everyone is ready for a good weekend - I know I'm excited about the downtime to craft, sew, read, and be generally creative. :)