Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Small Bits of Grace

I've been down in the dumps lately... I was sick almost two weeks ago and it seems like even though I'm "better" (i.e. have been forced to go back to work, routine, etc), I've felt really run-down ever since. It seems to take so long for me to recover from anything allergy- or cold-related, and I've just been dragging myself around feeling sick, tired, and depressed. Since fall is usually a time when I begin to struggle more with depression than any other time of the year, the fact that I felt depressed, after doing so well all summer, made me even more depressed (how's that for a vicious circle?!).

I have been trying so hard this week to force myself to feel better - thinking about all the things I have right now that I didn't have this time last year, thinking about all the wonderful experiences that I have been able to have, thinking about all the amazing people I have as resources should I really feel the need to get some input or encouragement.

It didn't really help. On Sunday I felt especially discouraged that, after all that I had learned over the last few years, I still find myself in the same emotional struggles every year...

Today I came home from work and just felt drained, knowing that I had to be up at 3 AM to go back to work, and looking ahead to a (hopefully fun but)stressful weekend on vacation with my family. I was desperate to make myself feel better somehow... all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.

Instead, I ran on the treadmill with my Fuze cranked up full blast to some uplifting tunes and hit the shower. Instant mood lift! I know that later on in the year, when I am feeling worse, this won't work as a temporary "fix", but at the moment I am grateful for small blessings and a little bit of grace.

Some other things I am thankful for:

~ A manager who always says "Thank you" at the end of the day and means it; who also makes sure everybody gets a break if it is at all humanly possible; who can hold an intelligent conversation so that a really, really long day becomes a little less so.

~ A great haircut, and being friends with the person who makes it happen. :)

~ Coffee and Red Bull, but most of all, enough sleep so that they become luxuries, not necessities.

~ A relationship with my dad that is the best it's been in 10+ years.

~ The amazing way that God has worked in my life, in ways I could not have foreseen or imagined ahead of time.

~ That, despite the fact that I feel myself getting "blue," fall is still my favorite season. And that after fall comes spring, and feeling better. :)

1 comment:

Rachel said...

I have definitely struggled with the unprecedented blues - especially seasonal downs - and while I love Fuze and a walk, too, I have been trying to find long-term solutions or alternatives/ways of framing things or sincerely thinking in a more positive light. It's really hard to maintain, though. Good thing autumn is gorgeous!

Hope I'm not being too forward.