I don't know what's sparked it, but lately I've been feeling "blue"... you know, nothing's wrong (much) but nothing's right? Plus, I'm sooo tired... lately all I can do is fantasize about getting some sleep. And it's not like I'm really sleep deprived, either - I haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep, but then again I've gotten less than this before and I've been fine. I'm not sure what's wrong, but I suspect it's just a case of mid-winter blahs.
As is so often the case with blahs, though, everything seems to be stacking up against me. I have no memory lately - I was supposed to take Abby's registration papers to school on Monday. Monday morning we had just arrived at my house when Natalie texted me to ask if Abby made it into the class she wanted (we'd been warned it fills up fast!). I was supposed to drop it off almost an hour ago and had just completely forgotten. Needless to say, I dropped everything and ran, and luckily I made it in time and Abby got into her class. I felt like a complete idiot.
Another example - the upstairs bathroom in our house. I've been meaning to clean it for a really long time now. I've been asked by various family members to clean it several times. It's not a huge task (though it is a bit grimy) and I've been honestly meaning/wanting to do it, but I never think about it at a moment when I could actually get to it. In the morning when I get up, I go to brush my teeth, look down at the grimy sink, and think "I MUST clean this bathroom." And then I go off to work and don't think about it again until I'm in PJ's, ready to go to bed, and I'm brushing me teeth in the grimy sink and thinking "... darn." And I feel sooo guilty. I should be able to handle cleaning a bathroom.
And I don't even want to talk about the kid's schoolwork. Seriously, I could cry. I HAVE cried. For some reason, I can't get my feet under me this semester. I've been roughing out vague lists of things that need to get done each week, and the twins have been patient, but this week we all sort of lost it. I was supposed to write lesson plans this last weekend. Didn't remember, didn't get done, I was dreading it all last week and that didn't help. Allen had a meltdown when he found out there was no plan - I don't blame him, he's like me and he wants structure, and I've committed to providing that structure and I haven't been pulling my end of the bargain. The only affirming thing to come out of this is that when he began complaining, both Maggie and Anna told him, in no uncertain terms, that he should be grateful for any kind of help he gets. He and Lizzie are the first two kids in this family to have any sort of parental/grownup guidance for school after the age of ten, much less lesson plans laid out and science lessons planned. I was touched by their staunch support, but on the other hand... I'm the one providing this guidance, and I'm failing right now. Time to buck up and get down to it.
On the other hand, it would be so much nicer to do it after sleeping, say, all day.
Tonight was yoga, and I went, and that was basically my biggest accomplishment for the day. I got off work early, and came home to take a nap (sleep!), and was still napping when it came time to leave for yoga. I dragged myself out of bed and made it just in time, but I'm definitely lacking any kind of mind-body connection, and it showed. I was not in good form tonight; plus, I didn't eat a snack for several hours before I went, and that was a big mistake - if I don't eat some form of sugar before class, halfway through I melt. This is pretty common in this class - one lady actually brings some fruit juice and takes a quick break in the middle of class to refuel, and I think I could easily do that, but normally I eat a banana about twenty minutes before class, and more often than not that's enough. Tonight I forgot. I started feeling unsteady twenty minutes in, and it just got worse as I kept going.
On the other hand, nobody was doing particularly well tonight, so maybe it wasn't just me, it just feels that way. We were working on Chaturanga again, this time sans straps. Last time I remember doing fairly well, but this time I'd get halfway through and basically collapse onto the mat. But I wasn't the only one - you'd hear this little chorus of "plops" as we all fell down. The instructor had us work on alignment for awhile, then asked, "Does that help?"
The lady on the mat to my left muttered, "Oh, yes, I fall much more gracefully now!" :)
All in all, that's kind of how I feel right now - falling gracefully. I'm hoping the winterish weather around here will lift, and I can get some sun (and some sleep!).