Thursday, October 14, 2010

AWOL With Good Reason

So I have been gone for a little more than a week due to the fact that my family was out of town and took the computer (and thus the Internet access) with them. That's right, I stayed at the house alone for a week, without suffering any major freak-outs. This is rather significant for me since the last couple of times they've left me home alone I've a) huddled inside my locked room with the dog and music/videos playing while I "slept", or b) just stayed up all night listening to imaginary noises until the sun came up. The last time they left, I gave up trying to stay in by myself and just invited a friend to basically "move in" with me for the week.

This week I stayed in the house all but one night, and spent the last night at my grandparents, mostly because I had company the two nights before that and the house seemed twice as big and lonely after that. :( I have definitely decided that if/when I move out on my own, I'm either moving into an apartment with other people around or with a roommate.

But I'm pretty proud of myself for this last week, especially considering I didn't play music or videos while I was sleeping OR lie awake in terror. I only had one moment where I got freaked out and then I dealt with it by getting the dog to investigate with me (good old Oliver!). All in all, I feel like I've proved something to myself, and it feels good. :)

Anyway... I spent some of my free alone-time doing some cooking from my new cookbook, which was tons of fun, and trying to stay on-plan without access to the Weight Watchers website. I kind of did - ok. I did a lot of guessing, but I tried to play it safe, and I ended up maintaining. I personally think I lost some fat and gained some musle, since I was super-good about exercising, and I feel like I still feel my body changing. Even if I didn't lose anything, I'm glad not to have gained. I had no idea how dependent I was on the website to look up food stats quickly (like, how much sweet potatoe can I have for three points? Would it be better to cook the acorn or the butternut squash considering how I've eaten today? If I have one cupcake tonight and one tomorrow, how will that fit into my day? If I make the cupcakes low-fat, how much will that help? Stuff like that.

This week I'm kind of in "recovery" mode. I had no idea how much I was stressed out last week over being responsible for the house and all the critters, so I'm pretty much just focusing on going to bed early and getting good sleep, and staying completely on-plan. My only downfall so far is that I haven't walked a step - no exercise at all so far this week! I'm hoping that today I will feel awake enough to go after work, as I probably won't get to go tomorrow and I want to stick to my three times a week commitment.

My class is going well... after a few really intensely emotional weeks, we're studying a theory my professor has cobbled together from several other theories that he calls "raquet" theory. The basic principle as I follow it is that we all form circles or patterns that can be self-destructive, but we continue stepping into them because they're familiar and comfortable. But unless we do something to form a new pattern, we'll never change because a circle is infinite and keeps going and going. The point we're learning is to learn a) not to step into the circle and b) form new habits. This is something I've kind of learned myself over the last few years, so it's not really new to me except now I have terminology to put to it.

I'm also excited that Christmas is only, like, eight or ten weeks away! I love celebrating Christmas. I would totally celebrate it year-round if I could. Confession: I actually listened to my first Christmas CD two weeks ago. Granted, it was the only non-western CD in the drawer, so it wasn't like I did it purposefully, but still, I enjoyed it and it made me want Christmastime dreadfully. :) I'm already thinking about Christmas gifts. :)

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